For the woman who knows how that feels on the inside, but can’t imagine expressing it outside, you’re not a stranger to me. I used to be excruciatingly shy; no one who knows me now would credit it, but I couldn’t talk to anyone in any decently coherent way. Some of it was from my severely “effed-up” childhood, where it was a demand, a command, or a punishment whenever “communication” occurred. There is more about that in my book (Words of Bek) if you are interested. A great portion of that early inability to speak came from being diagnosed with an incurable chronic illness at the age of 18 that was poorly managed by the process at the time. Due to the fact that “only old people” get arthritis, as is still the current view despite being statistically incorrect; I was told that I could, and most likely would, be in a wheelchair by the time I was 24 and not likely to live past 40 with any quality of life.

I had also just started my engineering degree and moved out of home when this happened. Slightly overwhelming also, you might agree. Yes. Terrifying. Possibly, but when you grew up with a father’s fist in your face, it was a kind of terrifying that I had never experienced. Because it was also freedom. It was exhilarating. It was… not home.

What I eventually found was how to turn the survival traits I had from my upbringing and my altered view of the world as a result, and turn it into something… weird. I’m not supposed to be this successful, happy, confident, resilient, leader with what has happened in my past. It took me years to get comfortable with the notion I don’t fit AND be absolutely confident and garner respect in my industry; not just respect, but awards, recognition and some really fabulous mates.

I am different. It’s not bad, or better, a status proclamation; it isn’t a statement for anyone other than me. I feel I’ve earned my confidence in ways that I wouldn’t want my worst enemy to experience; it has been tough, and lonely, and a struggle to understand and accept some moments on my journey. It has been rewarding and character building and taken me in directions I never would have gone had I taken any other path. I have pretty much chosen the path less followed and finally made it to the destination with an incredible journey behind me.

I wrote a book of how I got here, trying to be practical and supportive and inclusive. I am taking that to the next level and actually getting out in front of other women to speak to those of you who are deliberately in the back row, who opted for comfortable instead of conforming, who want to be of themselves but also want to be accepted for their edges, as well as their curves.

Having already unleashed HER, I am Embracing The GladiatHER in me, the rebel leader who always wins and gives their all to the outcomes. The tough, calls-it-how-it-is, powerful, motivated human that I am, and all that I have to share with others who want to be the best version of themselves.

That in order to be your best, you have to be your own harshest critic, but there comes a point when it is just critique and you can stop now… because you are already successful and don’t need to drive yourself like a gladiator quite so much anymore. It is time to hone and sharpen skills, rather than prove you have them.

Starting NOW.

GET. YOUR . BOOTS. ON